I feel soooooo much safer now.

We went to Florida in February of 2022 for a long weekend – traveling on a Wednesday and returning late on Saturday. . . just a chance to get away to a sunny beach!

Once we arrived at the airport, I put on my mask – that piece of cloth that makes the insecure and the gullible feel better about the world around them – and proceeded to get in line with all the other lemmings.

The first TSA agent checked my ID and their machine scanned my boarding pass. He motioned me to go on through.

Then it was the luggage check and the full body scan. My bag was pulled aside for “further inspection”.

“OK”, the TSA agent began to explain. “What we are looking for is probably some food items.”

I’m thinking many thoughts at the moment. . . thoughts such as:

“If you already know, why bother?” and ” food items are allowed” and “why then the explanation? Just get on with it!” and finally, “What a complete waste of taxpayer’s money”. But I didn’t say anything!

As she is rummaging through my bag, she is looking up at a monitor that is hanging in front of her.

“I think it is over on this side,” she says. “Ah, yes! here it is!” and she lifts out my unopened bag of peanut M & M’s, my package of 3 Musketeer bars, my Baby Ruth candy bars, and the Nestle Crunch bars.

She stands there with my M & M’s bag in her hand and begins looking around the room. Obviously, she is looking for someone – someone to help her – someone to tell her what she is supposed to do now. The look on her face reminds me of my dog Hunny. Hunny used to love to chase cats. She could chase them up and down the neighborhood, around the corner, through and under trees and bushes, until the cat would hop up onto a fence and escape. In the rare instance that she would actually catch up to a cat and corner it, she would then look back towards me with the same confused look on her face as if to say, “What do I do now?”

Another TSA agent came to her rescue and she handed him the bag of M & M’s. He turned the bag over a few times and rolled the contents around inside the bag – back and forth – a few times while squeezing the sides of the bag trying to “see” inside the bag. He handed me the bag and asked, “Can you open them up so I can see inside?”

You never know, there could be an entire infantry brigade of commie terrorists concealed within that bag.

As I was tearing open the top of the bag, I guess I gave him an exasperated look because he turned to me in a very confrontational manner and demanded, “You gotta problem?!”

I kept reminding myself that he simply was not worth the trouble he could cause, so I continued to open the bag and replied, “No problem.” and handed him the opened bag of M & M’s.

He rolled the M & M’s around inside the bag as he looked in . I guess he was satisfied – I KNOW he was disappointed that he did not get a negative reaction from me, because he didn’t say another word, but handed me the bag and left! The other agent was standing there with my 3 Musketeers package turning the package over and over, while looking for him to tell her what she should do next! But he had abandoned her!

She put the three Musketeers package down and picked up the package of Baby Ruth bars and turned them over and over again in her hands. These packages each contain 6 of the mini candy bars. I think on the packaging, it lists the net contents as

something like 3.9 ounces! She handed me the package of Baby Ruth bars and asked, “Do you want to repack this, or should I?”

I’ll do it” I answered.

“OK” she said, and then proceeded to put everything back into the suitcase and tried to close the lid. The zipper got stuck, and she got even more frustrated and anxious while I stood and waited. She finally gave up and slid the suitcase across the table towards me. She stood there and fumbled with her hands for a few seconds as though she wanted to say something; but decided not to, and turned and walked away.

I feel sooooo much safer now that I know that the TSA personally inspects all the candy brought on board airplanes.

I guess I shouldn’t make fun of them . . . after all, they are just doing their job, and making it so easy to ridicule them when they act like the three stooges!!!

And I’m just being cranky, old, and obnoxious!!

While waiting to board the plane, the gate agent announces that the flight will be delayed – possibly for an hour – due to a mechanical problem. The pilot was unable to communicate with the tower. They have called for Maintenance to come fix the problem.

Twenty minutes later, they resumed the boarding process – I guess they fixed the problem.

I told Alanah, “The maintenance man most likely pointed to a switch on the console and said to the pilot – ‘Do you see that switch?’ To which the pilot replied, ‘Yes.’ and the Maintenance man said, ‘Well it only works when it is pointed in the “ON” position!”

Anyway, we all get on the plane, they close the doors and we just sit there. No safety briefing, just crickets.

Finally, a voice on the intercom says, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m your pilot for the flight to Austin. The problem we are having will not affect the flight of the plane, but is one that the FAA requires to be fixed within the next three stops, or 24 hours. The next three places this plane is scheduled to go, each have minimum maintenance facilities. Phoenix is a major maintenance facility, so they are going to keep the plane here. That means that we will all need to get off while they look for another plane for our flight. We’ll let you know when they have figured it all out.” Then he adds, “Thank you for flying Southwest, we appreciate your patronage.”

Immediately after he is finished, another voice comes on the intercom – one of the flight attendants – who repeats everything the pilot just said. Hmmmmm. . . If we were not listening to the pilot, what makes you think we will listen to you?

So, we all get up and begin gathering our carry-ons as we file off the plane. About ten minutes later, they announce that our flight will be leaving from a different gate down the concourse. We proceed to go to this gate where there are people waiting to board a flight to Sacramento. They tell the people waiting for the Sacramento flight to remain seated while they try to find another plane for their flight. Another ten minutes pass and they begin boarding for our flight. After we are all on the plane and we are all seated, the same voice we heard before of one of the flight attendants comes on the intercom. “It is a federal mandate that we must all wear a mask that covers both our mouth and our nose at all times while on board the plane. We are required to enforce this mandate, and if you refuse to wear a mask we will have to deal with that in a different manner.”

HUH????

WHAT????

He and the other two flight attendants come marching down the aisle of the plane and stop two rows in front of us, where they are talking with a man and a woman. the woman is gesturing animatedly, and it appears that she is apologizing while the man just sits there quietly. The flight attendant is shaking his head and gesturing towards the front of the plane. The two passengers get up and proceed to get off the plane. Everyone is wearing a mask.

Except for these two empty seats, the plane is totally full. The flight attendant comes walking down the aisle of the plane and a woman in the same row where the two just vacated, asks if she can move across the aisle to one of the empty seats. He shakes his head yes, and proceeds to laugh with the passengers in the row directly in front of us about how he “showed them who is in charge!” To them, it is all a big joke.

I remembered the confrontational TSA agent from an hour ago and thought how this political pandemic has turned the world upside down and created an opportunity for the angry, deluded fools within our society to exercise their miniscule authority.

The plane ride to Austin is uneventful. When we arrive in Austin, we remain onboard while others get off. We do change seats and move towards the front of the plane for the rest of the trip to Miami.

Once in Miami, we pick up a rental car and drive up to the Ft Lauderdale area where we have booked a resort in Weston, Florida, a few miles inland from Ft Lauderdale.

The cost to fly to Ft Lauderdale was twice the cost to fly to Miami, and we were planning on renting a car anyway, so the 30 minute drive from Miami to Weston was not important.

Carved out of the swamps of Florida, there is nothing “natural” about Weston – well paved streets, manicured lawns, tennis courts, swimming pools, gardens, stucco buildings, all testify to the effect that man has on the environment.

It is from these man made enclaves that the world’s “environmentalists” clamor for a zero carbon footprint – all the while sitting under imported palm trees. And, despite man’s best efforts, Nature still has a way of being in control.

Remove man and his constant maintenance efforts and Weston Florida would revert back to the swamps it was carved from, making it more “environmentally friendly”.

In fact, after we checked in at the reception desk, we passed the security guard in the parking lot sitting in his electric cart. Around his cart, there were four racoons who acted more like domesticated cats and dogs than wild animals.

The next few days revolved around trips to the shore to relax on the beach. The water was a bit on the chilly side, but not too cold for a quick dip after constructing sand creations on the beach.

We weren’t the only ones to enjoy spending time on the beach, and we shared it with these sand pipers.

Adter spending the mornings and early afternoons on the beach, we would return to the resort and spend time around the pool.

The water in the pool was a few degrees warmer than the ocean. We preferred the smaller pool to the main large pool due to the crowds of people.

After spending the morning at the beach, we packed up and drove to Miami to return the rental car and fly home to Arizona. The flight home went through Houston where we were delayed for an additional hour, therefore, we arrived home after midnight – which made for a very long day.

TTFN